When a relationship ends and you are both on the title of the family home, the sale itself still needs both of you, even if you would rather not be in the same room. I have written a broader piece on selling the family home after separation in New Zealand. This article is narrower and more practical: it walks through how the sale process actually runs, step by step, when two owners are no longer a couple. It deliberately stays out of the legal side, because that belongs with your lawyers.
Do both of us need to sign to sell the house?
Yes. When you are both on the title, both owners need to sign the agency agreement and every sale document, including any offer you accept. One person cannot sell a jointly owned home on their own.
In practice, that means nothing formal happens until you have both signed. Before the agency agreement goes in front of you, I will explain it to each of you, and you will each have the chance to ask questions and take advice before you sign. You do not need to sign at the same table. Documents can usually be signed separately, at different times and in different places, which takes a lot of pressure out of the process.
If anything about your title is unusual, for example a third name on it or a trust involved, ask your lawyer to confirm who needs to sign before we start.
How do we deal with the agent if we're not speaking to each other?
You agree on how communication will work at the start, and I stick to it. Most separated owners choose one of two arrangements: separate updates to each of you, or one agreed point of contact who passes things on. Separate updates are usually the better choice.
Whichever you choose, here is how I handle it:
- The same information, at the same time. Appraisals, buyer feedback, open home numbers and offers go to both of you, in writing, at the same time. Neither of you has to rely on the other to find out what is happening.
- Written updates as the record. Phone calls are fine, but anything that matters is confirmed by email to both of you, so there is one clear record of what was said and decided.
- No side deals. I won't agree to anything with one owner that the other hasn't seen and signed. Decisions are made by both of you or not at all.
- A tone that stays neutral. My job is to sell the property for both owners, not to take a side or pass on messages that belong with your lawyers.
If you have both agreed that one of you will be the main contact, I will still copy the other owner on every written update unless you have both told me otherwise in writing.
How do we agree on a price and a method of sale?
You agree on both together, based on evidence rather than feelings. I give each of you the same appraisal, the same recent comparable sales and the same explanation of how I reached the figure, so you are both looking at one set of facts.
The method of sale (auction, tender, deadline sale, price by negotiation or an asking price) is also a joint decision. For separating owners, a method with a clear process and a set end date often helps, because everyone can see how the result was reached. I will explain the options and how each would likely work for your home, and then you decide together.
It also helps to agree early on how much presentation work you will do before listing and who will organise it, so that small jobs don't become new points of disagreement once the campaign is running.
Can we hold open homes while one of us still lives there?
Yes. Many homes are sold while one owner is still living in them. It works well when the person living there and the person who has moved out agree the ground rules before the campaign begins.
The practical points worth agreeing are:
- Open home times and private viewings that suit the person living there, including any children's routines.
- Keys and access. Who holds keys, and whether I can show the home when the occupant isn't there.
- Presentation. What tidying, cleaning and gardening is expected before each open home, and who does it.
- Personal items. Putting away photos, paperwork and anything private before buyers walk through.
- The owner who has moved out. Whether they will attend open homes. Usually it is easier for everyone if they don't, and they receive the feedback from me in writing instead.
What happens when an offer comes in?
Every offer goes to both of you, and an offer is only accepted when both owners have signed it. If one of you is happy and the other is not, the offer is not accepted.
When an offer arrives, I send it to both of you at the same time, explain the price and conditions plainly, and talk with each of you separately. If you both want to make a counter-offer, you both sign that too. Because signatures from two people can take longer to gather, I will tell you both about any deadline straight away, so neither of you is rushed or left out.
Once an offer is accepted, the signed agreement goes to each of your lawyers, and they take the legal side from there.
What happens to the money from the sale?
Your lawyers deal with that. How the proceeds are handled and divided is not something I decide or advise on, and it is worth each of you talking to your own lawyer about it before the home goes on the market.
What needs agreeing before settlement day?
The practical handover: when the person living in the home will move out, what is staying with the house as listed in the sale agreement, and who will hand over the keys. Settling these early avoids a last-minute scramble on moving day.
The home needs to be left in the condition the sale agreement requires, with any chattels included in the sale still in place. If the home will be empty for a while before settlement, it is also worth checking with your insurer.
Where to from here?
If you are both on the title and you want to talk about how a sale would work in your situation, I am happy to speak with each of you separately, in confidence and without pressure. You can also start with a free property appraisal so you both have the same starting point.
Questions separated owners ask me
Can one owner sell the house without the other's signature?
No. When you are both on the title, both owners need to sign the agency agreement and any accepted offer. If anything about your title is unusual, your lawyer can confirm who needs to sign.
Do we have to meet to sign the documents?
No. Documents can usually be signed separately, at different times and in different places, so you don't need to be in the same room.
Will the agent tell my ex-partner things they don't tell me?
They shouldn't. I send appraisals, feedback and offers to both owners in writing at the same time, and I don't agree to anything with one owner that the other hasn't seen and signed.
Can the house be sold while one of us is still living in it?
Yes. Many homes are. It works best when you agree open home times, access, presentation and keys before the campaign starts.
Who decides how the sale money is split?
Your lawyers deal with that. It is not something your real estate agent decides or advises on.
This article is general information about the sale process, not legal advice. Please talk to your own lawyer about anything to do with relationship property, the title or the sale proceeds, and read all sale documents carefully. For official consumer guidance on buying and selling, see the Real Estate Authority's settled.govt.nz.